(Source: vous-3tes-mon-coeur, via iwantjesus)

Thanks, D for always being there for me. 

It was the seniors’ last day. I got my first B on a report (not counting 4th grade). Realized that I was still hurting. Realized I need to talk to Him more and surrender. Lots of things.

I never thought I would get so worked about the seniors leaving..I mean, I didn’t cry last year and I was kinda close to some of them-Hayley, J.D., Dillon, Daanish…they set good examples for me while helping to make my freshman year fun. But Jenna G started talking about graduating and asking questions like what if we don’t remember these people or forget memories? And I just kinda broke down. I mean, I was already upset because I made my first B on my report card…darn you, Algebra 2 PAP. Anyway, toward the end of band everyone started saying good-bye to each other. It was incredibly bitter-sweet. I was crying, Abbie was crying, the boys were fake crying…Gosh. I truly wish all the seniors the best and they began this new journey. Next year will be even harder to say goodbye to the seniors. Abby, Jamarcus, Patrick, Ari, Laine, Fran, Laura, Katie, the list goes on and on. And before I know it, it’ll be my graduation. Man, time flies.

So, this B that I’ve got. Not going to lie, I am upset. I know I shouldn’t obsess over grades so much, but in a school where getting good grades is so competitive I can’t help but compare myself to others. Yet, I’m getting better & getting over it. A B is a B. Can’t do anything about it now. One B in Algebra 2 will not be determining my future.   

When you didn’t wait for me today, it was like a stab in the heart. Especially on top of what was going on today. I don’t understand what I’ve to make you turn away from me. My friends say either to talk to you or just forget about you. I don’t want to forget about you. But, I feel like talking to you won’t solve anything because I don’t think you’ll change…or if you do change, it will only be for a little bit. And then you’ll forget about me all again and ignore me. You haven’t been very considerate to our friendship nor very trusting. You’ve hurt me, but I’ve forgiven you and I’m ready to move on. Whether that means we fix our friendship or not…I trust God to lead us in His path. 

I really need to go to confession. There’s a lot of things on my heart that I need to get off my chest. There’s the PULSE retreat coming up, which I get to help lead. I think this will be good for me. I’m really excited about. I’ve face-booked at least 50 people, and about 20 might be going so that’s amazing. I really hope they can make it and open their heart’s to God’s love and will. 

Today was a day. 

HECK TO POTATOING YES. I WILL DO WELL. I WILL. TIME TO STUDY. ALRIGHT. HERE WE GO. I CAN DO THIS. BALLIN. I AM A BALLER. HOLLA AT YA BOI. PEACE.